Twas the night before the playoffs, when all through the league
Not a team was at rest, from the top to bottom seed.
The waiver wire was scoured by the first and the last,
In hope that other owners had seen a gem but passed.

The sleepers were nestled all starting or benched,
Their owners all hoping their playoff spot had been clinched.
My squad with its handcuffs and outright studs,
Had made no bench room to hang onto duds.

When out on the wire there was a sudden flash of light,
An owner had errantly released Roddy White!
My fingers clicked quickly and Randy Moss was released,
I swore for a moment my heart’s beating had ceased!

“With Roddy my corp of receivers can’t be beat!
My opponents will surely taste bitter defeat!”
My lineup was set and a smile crossed my face;
I knew a certain trophy would reside at MY place.

Two weeks flew by with my team in the lead,
With a group this stacked, even rankings received no heed.
The championship was mine, only one game remained,
It was all but over, no Sunday scores had been changed.

I had a slim lead but Monday Night was all mine,
As the Atlanta Falcons had a 13 and a half point line.
They faced Tennessee at 8:30 on ESPN,
(That’s right, I said it- I’M A COMPANY FAN)

Cortland Finnegan, the punk, was blanketing Hot Rod,
Though I didn’t think he could be stopped, save by the hand God.
I grimaced when Roddy left the game in the first half,
And groaned when my opponent had the last laugh.

Roddy White had 3 catches, yardage: 29-
And my opponent had claimed what once was mine;
Randy Moss, Fantasy Zombie- 8 for a buck-oh-five.
The final: my team- 98. His- 109.

“Someone shows you a coin with a head and a tail on it. You watch them flip it ten times, and all ten times it comes up heads. What is the probability that it will come up tails on the 11th flip? A novice gambler will tell you, ‘Tails is more likely than heads, since things have to even out, and tails is due to come up.’ A math student will tell you, ‘We can’t predict the future from the past. The odds are still even.’ A professional gambler would say, ‘There must be something wrong with the coin, or the way it is being flipped. I wouldn’t bet with the guy flipping it, but I would bet someone else that heads will come up again.’”

Barry Greenstein, “Ace On The River: An Advanced Poker Guide”

I’ve never found this to be a problem.

Hero in a half shell! Er… half… fur? Whatever it is, it’s awesome. Thanks to squid808 for the find.

This is old, and you’ve probably all seen it, but this video is a top ten all time for me. 10:47 IN THE MORNING.

Paraphrased from ESPN Radio’s “The Herd” with Colin Cowherd:

Colin was talking to Ryan Miller, the US Men’s Hockey goaltender. Miller said he was spotted by a group of Canadians, one who pointed out who exactly Miller was. They all turned and glared, and in unison shouted, “HEY MILLER, F*#& YOUR MOTHER!”

No they didn’t. “HEY A$#HOLE! YOU SUCK!”

Nope.

Instead, this crowd of Canadians heckled Miller by shouting, “GO CANADA!”

They then turned and left without even so much as throwing a Labatt Blue bottle.

Jim Babb, Twitter…er… extrordinaire posed a very interesting question, just a few minutes ago.

jimbabb: Wondering what health care system would be like if it was run by the Yankees?

Well, Mr. Babb, here’s how I see this breaking down.

The Yankees would immediately put “scouts,” as they were, in various cities around the country. Even one in Canada. Toronto, to be specific. They’d stick with larger cities, like LA(2 there, though one insists he’s in “Anaheim”), Chicago(2 again, one in the north part of town, one south), Pittsburgh, etc.

These “scouts” would keep an eye on general practice doctors, surgeons, and specialists and look for the ones who stood out. They’d find the young, hotshot doctors who thrill everyone with their limited experience, but big performances in one or two spots.

After the “scouts” find these guys, the healthcare administrators(or HCA) would send out their goons to find out just how much these doctors are making. When the doctors are eligible to leave the hospital they’re at, they’d wait until everyone else made offers to the doctors, and they’d swoop in with a contract and money no other hospital could hope to match/surpass.

Now- here’s where it gets interesting: These doctors that the HCA bring in? Destined for failure. This is the highest paid group of doctors of any sort on the planet, but with the Yankees running the show- things go sour fast. Sure, they’ve got one Dr. Sabathia who can do open heart surgery with his eyes closed, but then there’s Dr. Burnett, with a slightly above .500 mortality rate among patients.  There are a few doctors who get their moment in the sun, like the specialist Chamberlain, who everyone heralds as the guy most likely to cure cancer, but winds up just being really good at putting in stitches, and awful if he’s allowed to do a whole surgery himself.

Bottom line- if the Yankees headed up the HCA:
1. The cost would be astronomical.
2. Every time a patient died, the people wouldn’t blame the doctor, they’d want the Chief of Medicine’s head instead.
3. In the end, it would work GREAT, but people would still hate it because the employees(fans) of the hospital are irritating, arrogant, clueless, and don’t realize there’s life beyond those four walls.

That is what the healthcare system would be like if it were run by the Yankees.