tygr20

Apparently, bodhost.com WILL give you up, let you down

The following is a chat transcript from one of those annoying “LivePerson” chat windows plaguing the internet.  I decided to have a little fun with the guy.  In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t cut to the chase so quickly.  THIS was fun. :)

Please wait for a site operator to respond.

You are now chatting with ‘Carl’

Carl: Hello and Welcome to Live Chat Support.

Carl: How may I assist you today ?

Franklin: can you give me a very brief rundown on your hosting prices please?

Carl: Sure

Carl: Please let me know the hosting package you are looking forward to ?

Franklin: I haven’t even looked at any of the prices yet, what is your least expensive package, and what does it include?

Carl: Linux VPS hosting(this WAS a link)

Carl: Please click the above link

Franklin: wow. $30/mo is the least expensive?

Carl: You can start with our Linux VPS Starter package which will cost you $29.99 USD Per month

Franklin: and that’s only 20 GB space and 500 GB bandwidth

Carl: The servers we provide are fully managed and monitored 24x7

Carl: with 24x7 support through live chat, phone support and Helpdesk

Carl: So you will be able to contact us at any point of time for support

Franklin: right, and that’s all good and well, but that’s rather steep, don’t you think?

Carl: All our servers are setup on Dell Branded Chassis and we also offer 99.96% uptime guarantee with our Linux VPS hosting packages

Carl: Also, we offer 30 days money back guarantee with our Linux VPS hosting packages and hence you can claim a refund if you are not satisfied with our service

Franklin: Well, see, I’m currently considering a competitor, Astley Host. They offer unlimited bandwidth and 75 GB storage for $22.99/mo

Franklin: do you offer price matching?

Carl: When it comes to hosting, it is not possible to offer Unlimited Bandwidth with any of the hosting packages

Carl: We always believe in providing honest and truthful hosting services to our customers

Franklin: So they’re being dishonest by offering this unlimited bandwidth?

Carl: And hence, we won’t claim which is not possible to offer

Carl: Most probably Yes

Franklin: Wow

Franklin: well, I mean- they seem honest and well meaning- take this for example, taken from their About page-

Franklin: Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Franklin: I mean, I get from that that they will always be there, always ready to assist, and never lie to me

Carl: As I said, it is quite easy to claim but it is equally Difficult to Deliver

Franklin: ok, let me ask you this then, Carl-

Carl: hence, we don’t believe in claiming what is not possible to Deliver

Franklin: I need 100 accounts for our company

Franklin: what say you cut me a deal, you give me the VPS Corporate package for the price of the VPS Standard package, and I’ll slip you a cool $2000 straight to your pocket. How does that sound?

Franklin: you help me save a little, and I repay you personally handsomely

Carl: Kindly allow me a couple of minutes to check if we can do this for you

Franklin: Look, Carl-

Franklin: I think we both know what’s going on here

Franklin: We’ve known each other for so long Your heart’s been aching But you’re too shy to say it. Inside we both know what’s been going on, We know the game and we’re gonna play it.

Carl: Please allow me a minute to transfer this chat to Shane

Carl: He will assist you further with this

Franklin: wait, no Carl- please-

Please wait while I transfer the chat to ‘Shane’.

You are now chatting with ‘Shane’

Shane: Hello

Shane: How are you ?

Franklin: Shane, I just wanna tell Carl how I’m feeling, Gotta make him understand…

Franklin: Never gonna give him up, Never gonna let him down, Never gonna run around and desert him. Never gonna make him cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt him.

Shane: ?

Shane: Are you looking for a hosting package or a date ?

Shane: :)

Franklin: Maybe both if you play your cards right, Shane…

Franklin: no… I have to stay true to Carl. Can you transfer me back to him?

Shane: Sure

Shane: A minute pleas

Please wait while I transfer the chat to ‘Carl’.

You are now chatting with ‘Carl’

Carl: Hi

Franklin: Carl, thank GOD you’re back

Carl: :)

Franklin: I think Shane was trying to come between us

Carl: How may I assist you ?

Franklin: I think you’re the only one who can truly help me.

Carl: Nope, that wasn’t the problem

Carl: Okay, please let me know how can I help you ?

Franklin: look- here’s a link to an Astley Host package I’m considering that doesn’t offer the unlimited bandwidth you’re telling me that Rick over there was lying about being able to offer-

Franklin: http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh

Franklin: can you compete with that?

Carl: Kindly allow me a couple of minutes to check

Franklin: Are you there, Carl?

Carl: Yes, kindly allow me a couple of minutes

Franklin: Sorry to rush you Carl, but I’ll be leaving the office for a meeting in about 15 minutes, and if you can compete with Astley Host, I’d like to lock these accounts down before the end of the day

Carl: I am sorry but it won’t be possible to offer the same deal

Carl: However, I can offer you a great deal on annual signup for the package

Carl: You will only have to pay for 10 months and you will get the server for 12 months

Carl: 2 months Free!!

Franklin: So you’re saying bodhost WOULD give me up, let me down, run around and desert me? You guys would make me cry, you’d say goodbye, and you’d tell a lie and hurt me?

Franklin: I have to be honest, Carl, I don’t like the sound of that

Carl: Well, as I said, we won’t promise what is not possible to deliver

Franklin: That’s it Carl, this is over, goodbye. I’ll leave my half of the rent on the table, and I’ll return the key after I get the last of my things out of the apartment.

Franklin: And I’m keeping the cat. Good day.

Carl: Goodbye

I’ll bet I do this again in the near future.  Hope it’s as much fun to read as it was to do :)

10 quotes from sports commentators that they wish they could take back

1.Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic snatch and jerk event: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warmup and it was amazing.”

2.Ted Walsh, horse racing commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”

3.Grand Prix race announcer: “The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is identical to the one in front of the similar one in back.”

4.Greg Norman, pro golfer: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

5.Ringside boxing analyst: “Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing – but none of them really that serious.”

6.Baseball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”

7.Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”

8.At a trophy ceremony for a 1998 BBC TV boat race: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford Crew.”

9.Metro Radio, college football: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got 11 Dicks on the field.”

10.US Open TV commentator: “One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round his wife takes out his balls and kisses them…Oh my God, what have I just said?!!”

Credit to the original writer, George Greene, Boston Sports History Examiner