Apparently, bodhost.com WILL give you up, let you down
The following is a chat transcript from one of those annoying “LivePerson” chat windows plaguing the internet. I decided to have a little fun with the guy. In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t cut to the chase so quickly. THIS was fun. :)
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
Carl: Hello and Welcome to Live Chat Support.
Carl: How may I assist you today ?
Franklin: can you give me a very brief rundown on your hosting prices please?
Carl: Sure
Carl: Please let me know the hosting package you are looking forward to ?
Franklin: I haven’t even looked at any of the prices yet, what is your least expensive package, and what does it include?
Carl: Linux VPS hosting(this WAS a link)
Carl: Please click the above link
Franklin: wow. $30/mo is the least expensive?
Carl: You can start with our Linux VPS Starter package which will cost you $29.99 USD Per month
Franklin: and that’s only 20 GB space and 500 GB bandwidth
Carl: The servers we provide are fully managed and monitored 24x7
Carl: with 24x7 support through live chat, phone support and Helpdesk
Carl: So you will be able to contact us at any point of time for support
Franklin: right, and that’s all good and well, but that’s rather steep, don’t you think?
Carl: All our servers are setup on Dell Branded Chassis and we also offer 99.96% uptime guarantee with our Linux VPS hosting packages
Carl: Also, we offer 30 days money back guarantee with our Linux VPS hosting packages and hence you can claim a refund if you are not satisfied with our service
Franklin: Well, see, I’m currently considering a competitor, Astley Host. They offer unlimited bandwidth and 75 GB storage for $22.99/mo
Franklin: do you offer price matching?
Carl: When it comes to hosting, it is not possible to offer Unlimited Bandwidth with any of the hosting packages
Carl: We always believe in providing honest and truthful hosting services to our customers
Franklin: So they’re being dishonest by offering this unlimited bandwidth?
Carl: And hence, we won’t claim which is not possible to offer
Carl: Most probably Yes
Franklin: Wow
Franklin: well, I mean- they seem honest and well meaning- take this for example, taken from their About page-
Franklin: Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Franklin: I mean, I get from that that they will always be there, always ready to assist, and never lie to me
Carl: As I said, it is quite easy to claim but it is equally Difficult to Deliver
Franklin: ok, let me ask you this then, Carl-
Carl: hence, we don’t believe in claiming what is not possible to Deliver
Franklin: I need 100 accounts for our company
Franklin: what say you cut me a deal, you give me the VPS Corporate package for the price of the VPS Standard package, and I’ll slip you a cool $2000 straight to your pocket. How does that sound?
Franklin: you help me save a little, and I repay you personally handsomely
Carl: Kindly allow me a couple of minutes to check if we can do this for you
Franklin: Look, Carl-
Franklin: I think we both know what’s going on here
Franklin: We’ve known each other for so long Your heart’s been aching But you’re too shy to say it. Inside we both know what’s been going on, We know the game and we’re gonna play it.
Carl: Please allow me a minute to transfer this chat to Shane
Carl: He will assist you further with this
Franklin: wait, no Carl- please-
Shane: Hello
Shane: How are you ?
Franklin: Shane, I just wanna tell Carl how I’m feeling, Gotta make him understand…
Franklin: Never gonna give him up, Never gonna let him down, Never gonna run around and desert him. Never gonna make him cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt him.
Shane: ?
Shane: Are you looking for a hosting package or a date ?
Shane: :)
Franklin: Maybe both if you play your cards right, Shane…
Franklin: no… I have to stay true to Carl. Can you transfer me back to him?
Shane: Sure
Shane: A minute pleas
Carl: Hi
Franklin: Carl, thank GOD you’re back
Carl: :)
Franklin: I think Shane was trying to come between us
Carl: How may I assist you ?
Franklin: I think you’re the only one who can truly help me.
Carl: Nope, that wasn’t the problem
Carl: Okay, please let me know how can I help you ?
Franklin: look- here’s a link to an Astley Host package I’m considering that doesn’t offer the unlimited bandwidth you’re telling me that Rick over there was lying about being able to offer-
Franklin: http://tinyurl.com/2g9mqh
Franklin: can you compete with that?
Carl: Kindly allow me a couple of minutes to check
Franklin: Are you there, Carl?
Carl: Yes, kindly allow me a couple of minutes
Franklin: Sorry to rush you Carl, but I’ll be leaving the office for a meeting in about 15 minutes, and if you can compete with Astley Host, I’d like to lock these accounts down before the end of the day
Carl: I am sorry but it won’t be possible to offer the same deal
Carl: However, I can offer you a great deal on annual signup for the package
Carl: You will only have to pay for 10 months and you will get the server for 12 months
Carl: 2 months Free!!
Franklin: So you’re saying bodhost WOULD give me up, let me down, run around and desert me? You guys would make me cry, you’d say goodbye, and you’d tell a lie and hurt me?
Franklin: I have to be honest, Carl, I don’t like the sound of that
Carl: Well, as I said, we won’t promise what is not possible to deliver
Franklin: That’s it Carl, this is over, goodbye. I’ll leave my half of the rent on the table, and I’ll return the key after I get the last of my things out of the apartment.
Franklin: And I’m keeping the cat. Good day.
Carl: Goodbye
I’ll bet I do this again in the near future. Hope it’s as much fun to read as it was to do :)
