Dumbest World Records(and ones that should be broken)
Rather than posting a big introduction to this, I’ll dive right into the meat of it. I’ve explained plenty in the title. How are some of these recordable records? No particular order.
1. Joggling
Juggling + jogging. Canadian Michal Kapral holds the current world record for joggling a marathon. 2:50:09. Woo hoo for Kapral, but seriously: does he need to mention he did it whilst chewing 3 sticks of Wrigley’s Extra Bubblemint?
2. Largest Gathering of People Dressed Like Gorillas/Largest Gathering of People Dressed Like Smurfs
*facepalm* What the hell, Guinness? Are there really no more records to record? The record: 637. I’ll give them this- at least it was for a cause. The Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund International. What does the DFGFI do with this money? They save the gorillas. Why do 637 people own gorilla costumes? That’s a much deeper, darker, and more sinister answer. Which I’ll give in a later blog. The Smurfs record: It doesn’t appear to be on the Guinness site, which offers a whole new WTF. This record was reset just this year: July 18th. In Ireland. By 1253 Smurfs. What does this mean? Too much free time in Ireland. What else does it mean? Too many Smurfettes, I’m sure. Disqualified, IMO.
3. Largest Card Game Tournament
I call this hogwash. Players assembled in the US for a tournament of massive proportions. Was it the 8773 players who set a new World Series of Poker record at the 2006 $10,000 Buy-In No-Limit Texas Hold ‘Em Main Event? No. 330 players met in West Virginia to play Uno. I’m serious. This one should be broken. Let’s all go play go fish.
4. Heaviest Car Balanced On The Head
At this point, I’d like to point out that all of these records can be found at the Guinness website, guinnessworldrecords.com. I say this, because I didn’t believe this one. I imagine it started with drunk guys in Kentucky- “Hey Darrell! I bet you cain’t balance that Pinto on yor noggin.” And he didn’t. But Brit John Evans balanced a 352 pound Mini on his head for 33 seconds to set the record. WHY?
5. Fastest Game of Operation
Surgeon Isa Isaa set the record for finishing a game of Operation in(ready?) 1 minute, 2 seconds. That’s without touching the sides, folks. But I bet he didn’t use the cards/money that no one else uses either.
I could go on and on and on here. But I’m going to stop. What have we learned today? Too many people are interested in setting too many stupid records. Why don’t we all band together and confront Guinness about some of the BS records? At the very least, let’s gather 500+ people to play Skip-Bo so that West Virgina can go back to having no claims to fame. I leave you to go find your own crap records. Email them to me- tygr20 at gmail dot com. I’ll post more when I get them.
