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beach:

October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
The American Cancer Society predicts 40,170 women will die from breast cancer this year.
Here are some things women can do to help fight this silent killer:
Keep a canary between your breasts; should the canary die, contact a physician immediately
Exercise regularly so that the cancer will give up on you and go after slower, weaker women instead
Let the girls out for a breather every so often
Wear shirts that make you and others think positive things about your breasts
Edit the Wikipedia page for breast cancer and write a sentence about how you’ll never get it
Avoid exposing your breasts in the immediate vicinity of a nuclear power plant
Consult some weird old Japanese lady and drink whatever nasty crap she advises
While in the shower, rub your breasts in a circular motion. Yeah, just like that. Maybe use a little soap. Don’t forget the nipples. Oh, God, yes, that’s it

Admit it, Beach, you just posted this because it says “nipples” in it, didn’t you?

October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source

October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

The American Cancer Society predicts 40,170 women will die from breast cancer this year.

Here are some things women can do to help fight this silent killer:

Keep a canary between your breasts; should the canary die, contact a physician immediately

Exercise regularly so that the cancer will give up on you and go after slower, weaker women instead

Let the girls out for a breather every so often

Wear shirts that make you and others think positive things about your breasts

Edit the Wikipedia page for breast cancer and write a sentence about how you’ll never get it

Avoid exposing your breasts in the immediate vicinity of a nuclear power plant

Consult some weird old Japanese lady and drink whatever nasty crap she advises

While in the shower, rub your breasts in a circular motion. Yeah, just like that. Maybe use a little soap. Don’t forget the nipples. Oh, God, yes, that’s it

Admit it, Beach, you just posted this because it says “nipples” in it, didn’t you?